The Spy Next Door

Kung fu action star Jackie Chan plays a nerdy neighbor, but is actually a CIA operative on loan from China.


Set to retire after one last job--the capture of a Russian terrorist--Bob (Chan) now wants to settle down and marry his neighbor, single mother Gillian (Amber Valletta). She has three kids: a teen girl, an Alex P. Keaton type young boy, and cute little girl. None of the kids are enamored of Bob, as they think he is a nerd, but Gillian appreciates that he is a decent guy who treats her well.

When the Russian terrorist (Anton Poldark) escapes on the way to prison, Bob is coerced back onto the case. Things are complicated when Gillian has to leave town to tend to her ill father and Bob volunteers to look after the kids, hoping to get some quality time and convince them to like him. Another fly in the ointment is the CIA mole, is it Glaze (George Lopez), Bob's handler? Or Colton (Billy Ray Cyrus), Bob's spytech guy?

Suffice it to say I am not the target age range for this film, it is probably meant for kids ten or younger. The script is weak, the jokes are old, and the two older kids were horrible one dimensional characters: the older daughter was nasty and rude, plus she dressed like a tramp even though she was only 13; the younger brother was a sci/math genius but unfortunately had no other personality, and it no wonder kids beat him up. The little sister was not bad, she was cute and inoffensive. The other kids in the film (the bullies) were horrible actors.

The mother character was also one dimensional, despite the kids constantly in trouble for one reason or another, or causing grief, there was no punishment involved. The parts of the storyline that involved her were there solely for the plot: single motherhood allowed Bob to step in as the new father figure; leaving to tend her ill father allowed Bob to buddy up to the kids. Plus Chan is not a romantic actor and they had no chemistry.

Lopez and Cyrus are certainly not known for action, smart spy work, or acting for that matter. They were there to capture the audiences of The George Lopez show (the sitcom as well as the talk show) and the Disney Channel (Billy Ray is Miley Cyrus' father). Imagine a scene with Chan's thick Chinese accent, Lopez's Mexican one, and Cyrus' southern twang. Yeah.

There were a lot of adults in the audience, who actually laughed quite a bit despite the cringing dialogue. The guy next to me didn't laugh once and neither did I. The only thing worth watching was Chan's stunts which he is known for designing and performing himself, and as usual they were intricate and unusual.

The other parts of the film were so contrived and derivative that I literally felt like writing Chan a letter to say shame on you for making a film with such a bad script. It dumbed down everything except the stunts. Although it's meant for a young audience, if I were that age I would hope my parents wouldn't take me to such a film with kid entertainment in mind. Grownups--your kids deserve better entertainment. Make an effort if you value your children's imagination and intelligence. I'd rather see Chan's work in something else. Even his other middling American action films are better than this.